the pieces dont fit anymore

Have u ever feel that you have tried too much and at one particular moment you just stop trying and don’t even care what will be the consequence?. ….Have you ever feel that you wanna give up and the hope is slowly fading away from your life?..... Have you ever feel that you really want to be love but when you did find it, wish you haven’t? and have you ever feel that you are about to fall and there is no one to hold on?....it wasn’t too long ago when I did feel all those things in my life..all the self blaming ambiance were self fulfilling. All the stupid question start to make me felt even worse. How can I be such a stupid person? How the hell in the world that this silly fucking feeling can be inside my heart at the first place?..why would in the world that I met this fucking person given that there is so many other person worth to be falling into?...why is it the heart keep giving me the feeling that I wanna feel and the mind keep telling me the things that I wanna think while the truth is always the opposite one… sometimes, its good to have all this things along the way in your life…even though this ‘things’ sucks...it makes you preserved the more you, it makes you look the life in different perspective compared to others….. sometimes, by keep asking yourself the questions that nobody wont ask makes you look the truth in reality and the fictitious in your own self made story…and sometimes, by learning to live alone you learn to live your life with an adequate feeling that just enough for you to move on…The past will never be forgetten..the present will never be well understand..and the future will always be a question..so, you have to do whatever it takes you to do..as long as it doesn’t hurt you and the one around you..and you don’t have to actually understand others feeling when your feeling does matter the most. Start thinking about yourself before thinking about others..and for what its worth, its better for you to love the one who love you, then to love someone you love…

i am what i am

I don’t judge someone on the basis of others perception to them. It is hard enough for me to simplify this complex world. A lot of things does occur around me and it takes quite sometime for me to comprehend them. The world does not revolve around me. So, I tend and I usually take others interest above my own, but it still my interest which matter the most. If I had given a choice to heal any scars, erase any memories, or adding any beautiful things in my life. I wont. Because it is the past that have shaped the person I am today. I have been seriously planning all the steps for the future. It is all about to make me the better me. I know that it is going to be a harsh and unsympathetic world outside. So, I need to be prepared for all those abrasive and callused things awaits for me. I tend to get carried away sometimes with all the feeling inside my heart and the thinking around my head. It is hard thou, to balance both of them. Luckily I have been blessed and surrounded with all the beautiful people in my life. My family which always in my heart till the world falls down and all my friend that will forever remain in my life. I love u guys so much. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. For anything to be called mistakes, it must just happen once in your life. Or else, it is not a mistakes, its what you are. I am a quite a big believer myself. I believe in God, I believe in Karma and I believe in what you called the magnificent wonderful thing in one self, Love. Unfortunately, I hardly find love. I do not know whether I am the one who running away from love or the love itself keep running away from me. Its been years from the last day I fall in love. Till now, that person voice is still lingers on me and the sweet memories of us still reside deeply in my heart. I love you so much and I always will. It is just a matter of time for me to find the right someone. For now, I have just to ponder upon the unpredictable future, stepping on the clouds of big dream and unconsciously wait for all the surprise that awaits me in front. Take what you need, Love who you want and Be who you are.